im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
