Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize