I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
