why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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