so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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