I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
