drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
