come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
