What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so let's talk penis.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
