And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Is Oprah even human
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
