If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
