**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
