NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
