why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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