My first STD was from a foam party
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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