So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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