I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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