your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Randomize
