and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
