There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
