Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The air was thick with penises
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
