I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
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he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
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He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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