I got chris browned last night
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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