They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
