I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
