the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
