So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Enjoy the penises
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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