Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My ass is underappreciated
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
