I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
