a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
