Me. At least after what I've been through.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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