it wasn't lemon gatorade
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
