Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize