I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
