You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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