Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
