How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
