I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you didnt know i had herpes?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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