i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
