Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
