your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
