Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
