i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
