my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
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i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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