He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
