i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
