we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
