It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
