I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
His nipple licking is glorious
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