Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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