just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
