shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
