What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
