I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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