i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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