This house was built for laser tag.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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