this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
