oh god the rape fog is back!
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
