i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Too much gin, very little bucket
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
