he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
