Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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