How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
