There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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