I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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