Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
