New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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